The Dude (metalblade87) wrote,
The Dude

Mid year update

So its been a long while since my last update on here, about 6 months. Not much has really changed i guess. I did get the c450 which has been alot of headaches. I love it so much but at the same time ive definitely had my fair share of problems with it. On the workout front i feel like i have been on and off but never stopped. At times i definitely went through the motions but as of late i am back to going gun-ho again. Ive been lifting heavy as i can and addling almost every time i go even if its just for 1 rep. I feel like i look about the same and most people dont say anything about my gains, so in that case they dont exist right? Ive been eating well for quite some time now which is a pain in the ass but its been nice to have chicken to eat at night and i have gotten use to it for a certain extent.

So my aggravation of the moment which of course is why i always write in this thing when i am looking into my soul for my own answers because i cant find help or the answer from anyone else. I am still single. Its about to be fall and its driving me CRAZY. I feel like i try and try and get sometimes closer then other times yet still no where. No love no nothing. Its like i am to nice or something. I will say most of the girls ive hit up i work with or have worked with. I can understand when i work with them but now that i dont with most i am a bit like.. whats the problem ya know.. I dont get it. The latest and most aggravating one is this girl that im friends with. Like we have chilled and its been fun and we have cuddled and shit like 2 times. For her im sure i didnt mean shit. However for me it felt so fucking good. It felt like... i was home.. alive.. life is good i can concor anything. Its frustrating me a bit because i just want someone and that was the closest ive gotten i guess even if it was just for a bit. I just wish she would see me as a potential. I think we would be great. I feel like we are very compatible. This was the first time in a long time that i was looking forward to the weekend to well.. chill with her. Yet she was busy which is all good i understand shes busy and has her own life. I just wish there was a way to get closer to her. Show her something that may spark her interest. Make a move. Something. I need someone by my side.. BAD. I am extremely loney and petty depressed about it. I feel like its the only thing keeping me down in life. I just need someone to hold, someone to looking into their eyes and have them look back at me in that way that makes my heart melt. If i could just get that in my life i think i would finally be complete.

However its like no matter how much i try with anyone i get no where and i just get my hopes up to just be devastated like always. I just wanna write it almost on fb like YO... I want love please someone fucking let me hold them and love me already!!!! What do i have to do?!!? I feel so lost. Shes my closest to getting that feeling i am looking for... however im pretty sure shes not looking for that from me... another mostly major hope shot down....

i feel so let down and depressed... but i guess all i can do is try to keep my head up and keep on trucking.. keep on trying to get my name out there.. keep on trying to get close..
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