The Dude (metalblade87) wrote,
The Dude

Roid Rage?

So i was feeling super congested and pressure in the face for like two weeks and it was pretty bad with constant headachs so i told the dr and had a CAT scan done and shes like year your sinus are inflamed. I should try taking these steroids for a week and see if it gets better, if not i would have to see a ENT. I think i would say yes it has gotten better overall i dont really notice it and i think i feel less congested at night at least. Yet at the same time i feel very slight pressure now as i am writing this. I feel like the past 2 or 3 days though ive been more frustrated over stupid shit lately. At one point it reminded me of when i use to smoke and something stupid would happen and i would get so just mad i could feel my blood boil for no real main reason. Hopefully it goes away. I think a big issue lately for me is my cousin putting up some stupid ass shit on FB about democrats and changing the world and shit. Like he puts up these meme and the stats are no correct at all and i call him out and hes like you dont get it or dont understand and im like dude, your a dumb ass you have no idea how shit works. It just boggles my mind how ignorant he can be when it comes to certain things like he has no stats, no nothing other then i read this thing and it said this so i am ganna be a fan boy because its cool to take a stance on these things no a days. At least ive read and looked into his point to combat them yet i am sure he hasnt looked into anything ive said but w/e fuck it right? I guess i am a lot more right winged then i thought.

I feel also like the past few weeks when i have had time off ive just pissed the days away. I have gotten into this rutine where i go to bed wake up, dont know what to do so i just do some stupid shit for a bit then its lunch time then im like what do i wanna do then next thing i know its dinner and the day is over and i havent done anything. The worst part is that i feel like i just cannot function or concentrate and i dont know what will make me happy or what i want to do. I almost feel like from the start of the day i cannot get my eyes open and i am just in a fog, a dreary fog and its like i cannot get my shit together. Its getting so frustrating i dont know what to do. Its like, do i want to edit pictures... ehhh.. do i want to game... ehh... do i want to drive somewhere... ehh.. and then i dont get shit done and i just stand on the sidelines of life. I feel like i am at the epitome of living but not being alive. I really dont know if this not feeling awake is a physical thing or just a mental thing.

I feel like i need to have a fire lit under my ass. The only two things that really make me feel alive is making money and girls. Neither of which i am succeeding with. I can never seem to get a head in the market no matter what i do or how much i try and its like siren and it something especially around this time of year that i ALWAYS think about and want to succeed with so bad. This year though money is a bit different and wont be as easy to just take out a shit ton of money to play with. This year i need to play small and it looks like no futures for me. :( Girl wise i am always slacking on the job which is very frustrating yet at the same time i cannot lie i feel like i haven't put a ton of time or energy into it. I have sent out sooooo many messages with such little success that it become discouraging. It almost makes you feel worse even though i try my best not to let it get me down and be very w/e about it. At the end of the day sending these messages takes a solid chunk of time to write each one out and when you put that much energy into someome or something and dont get anything out of it over and over and over again its just... tiring. At least with the market i have some control over what i trade when and where and its my decision. With girls online its just like i put it out there and hope for the best...

At this point i need to try to focus i guess more on stacking my cash up and ways of making more money because that always seems to help make me happier. Just back in the day it was a lot easier to realize what to do to make money where as now i have no idea what to do to make money.... Hopefully i can try to figure something out sooner then later and i really really need to not give a fuck and just get out of the house with people and again and not care what people think of me and just say hi and get out and strike up convo.
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