The Dude (metalblade87) wrote,
The Dude

Hope its not coming back

The past two to three weeks ive really been feeling like ive been going back in time, and not in a good way. In the mornings ive been feeling really off balance and sick feeling like i use to and even worse ive been feelin that during normal time like today. Ive been having trouble breathing and light headedness like i use to, i thought i was done. I thought i was better and now this comes back and i dont know what to do. I dont know if its just been stress because i know paul is going to be off this week and its only ganna a 3 man crew this next week which is going to be crazy. So i dont know if thats just stressing me out or if its that i just bought an xbox one. i spend another fucking 500. Like ive just blown though so much cash in the past month or so its crazy, sort of freaking me out. However i will say that i have been enjoying it and have got over 12 hours in on it. So i think that nervous feeling about buying it is getting better.

Maybe it has to do with the fact that i havent really gone anywhere in a month or 2 and im starting to get panic attacks again? JUst thinking about crossing a bridge lately i just freak out like hardcore of some reason. It sucks. I dont know what wrong with me, is it just mental or is it physical? Im ganna have to ask the doctor this thursday when i see her about the breathing and stuff.

I dont know what to do. Im so tire of feeling sick and tired and i dont know what to do. I just wanna be awake and feel awake in the mind because i havent in some time. Maybe i just need to get out more to build up self confidence to then go out and pursue crossing bridges and feeling better. Maybe i need to just seriously start working out more to feel better? Maybe that will help physically and mentally.

Maybe im just freaking out about nothing? Hopefully its all stupid stress related shit.

Also ive had 2 things that have REALLY been pissing me off. One was that i havent gotten paid on my stupid fantasy league. Motherfucking arent paying and that is the money is suppose to be mine! Fred fucked me and now im trying to make amends to it by collecting the money on my own from people and they just wont pay. Its driving me CRAZY, maybe thats what messing me up. The stress and aggravation of it is maybe messing up my gut which is casing this plus the stress all together. I need to now worry about it and i guess just do the best i can to get past it and admit i got fucked. I hate getting fucked like that over some stupid shit. Same goes with the dumb ass bitches that work up stairs! i am so tired or people not taking responsibility for their actions which cases me to work more and harder.

I think its just stupid ass shit in my head thats making me nervous and aggravated and stressed for no reason. Fuck these people right?!

Maybe i need to say that more often and embrace that more as hard as it is for me.
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