Now since i have the dreaded surgery coming up in like less then 2 weeks at this point im like fuck it im taking the antibiotics and if its a cold, the body will kill it, if its a sinus infection then the drugs will kill it. Hopefully.. of course. I think im pretty much freaking out about the surgury a bit but i feel like i am freaking out more about feeling well for it then the actual surgery itself. I dunno its so stupid. I just have my fingers crossed and knocking on wood that i feel good going into it and im no longer sick and it goes well. I cannot wait till its over. Then ill feel like ill finally be able to start my 2016. Until then i feel like im in a state of like flux. To gym to not to gym. To be sick to sleep to feel well to eat good, bad. I dont even know.
I feel like such a bum for not working out lately. I havent gone more then 2 days in a row since i started and its going to be like a week. I really hope i dont lose all my gains and then having to start over again cuz that would kinda suck buttt at the same time its all good. Ill come back with a vengeance.
When i comes to a depressing part it seems like the girls that i though could maybe be interested dont seem to be at all. Sam im pretty sure just views me as a friend. I learned alot about her and how she acts. I mean shit she was dating someone and didnt eve tell me or bring it to my knowledge. Its pretty upsetting cuz i really like/liked her. I just wish she was more interested then she is. The same goes for the girl at work as well. We like barley talk anymore. It sucks as well because i felt like we sort of connected well. I guess its just me or something? I am not ganna lie really wish i could have someone in my life especially right now. I am so god damn lonely. I just want someone i can talk to someone whos interested in me and will ask questions. Take interest in me. call or text me. Keep a convo going. Something. Ive been trying to get back on match but i have been finding it so hard lately. Like either i dont have the time or just the though of all the reading and trying to think up something to say is almost just like... overly daunding. It just wears me down and feels like such a downer. I think it might be because i havent had like any success on there which really can wear on you after awhile. Just such a downer. I feel like i just need someone to hold and talk to.
I just really really cannot wait to get this surgery over. I feel like its just been wearing on me more and more the closer it gets. I try not to think about it but it just kinda sits there in the back of my head like hey you got some huge shit going down you better be ready and be ready to man up and not feel like crap. Or maybe you will feel like crap but just need to man up and handle it. At this point i just really hope i feel better so that i will hopefully be more prepared for it. I will say though... i just need to realize and get more excited about it and realize. By getting this done, it could finally be the missing puzzle piece to make me feel like a normal human. I guess i just gatta keep my fingers crossed that it all works out and well and start thinking about all the good things that will prevail from getting it done.