The Dude (metalblade87) wrote,
The Dude
metalblade87

tired

o dear am i tired right now lol i dunno y i napped today and everything! lol o well hopefully ill atleast be able to fall a sleep tonight lol... anywayz whats new whats new not much lol i finally got myself a digital camera last weekend! o i love it so much i deff shoulda got one alot earlyer.. im alittle upset about it actually cuz i wish i had more pics of my friends and things ive done.. i feel like ive done so many fun things alot of which i dont remember so clearly lol and which i had some pics of those times to look back on and smile or laugh about but i dont :( plus i feel like my group of friends is dividing on a whole nother level and tha sucks ass cuz we use to be a group that would chill on the regular and now that doest happen.. i mean ya i know im in boston but either way i feel like when i get back no one will be round to chill like we use to and it sucks.. plus i have a feeling that most of the rutgers kids are ganna be spending most of their time in new brunswick which is koo and all i mean its only like 20 mins or so from the house but at the same time it does become a pain in the ass to drive there all the time.. its like to chill with them ide have to drive there to chill then drive home everytime i wanted to see them and over time that sucks cuz i wanna chill alot ya know? i dont think they really realize it even though i say it and its like they could come and chill with me back home or something.. but i dought theyde call to chill and come back to see me or anything.. its like everyone has their own lives which is good and all but its like wa happened to benny? i feel so unimportant now a days and unmissed and it sucks ass.. its liek they are all moving on with their lives and im not :( i think deep down i also am a bit jelous about it all too.. i wish i was over in rutgers with everyone doing the college experience meeting new people especially the girls! lol o dear do i wanna meet some ladies.. im mad lonly its so bad im mad depressed about it... i feel like i dont have a drive to do anything anymore exspecially since the calls from everyone have slowed down to like a standstill.. im losing my mind out here and i wanna go home... but i feel like yea i can go home but that dosent mean anyones ganna be around ya know.. i miss feeling like im part of something.. o theres so many things going through my head right now it sucks.. i just wanna be happy again.. that feeling that i havent felt in what feels like forever... i just want things go back to the old days when i was happy :(
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