The Dude (metalblade87) wrote,
The Dude
metalblade87

  • Mood:

losin my mind with time

i feel all sorts of sad right now and it sucks ass i dunno wa to do with myself.. i havent been able to talk to anyone in mad long.. its like no one answers their phones or call me back anymore.. and no one ever calls me to start with and it sucks but exspected.. but not from her... we use to be intouch like everyday and if she was busy shede atleast answer and tell me she was busy now i dont get anything but the voice mail and on top of that i dont get a call back either which sucks... im like losing my mind about it and id unno wtf is going on.. weve been talking on the regular for like atleast 5 years now and now nuttin all of a sudden.. i have no idea whats going on over there or wa shes doin and it sucks ass.. and im like da fuck.. i feel so abandoned.. and the only thing i can think of is that shes in go out and chill with mad heads mode.. like goin out with all of these new people to parties or just goin out to chill with them and now has no time to talk to me about anything.. i mean why would she wanna talk to someone on the phone when she can talk and chill in real life ya know.. i dunno it sucks i hope shes not mad at me for anything or something.. or maybe shes just really busy with school work or soemthing? i have no idea and it sucks ass.. i feel like im losing her slowly and surly i dont wanna talk to her like once in a blue moon i wanna talk to her on the regular like we use to.. i know that sounds selfish but i dunno how elce to put it.. she was the only constant in my life i guess.. and i mean i am happy that shes meeting all these new people and having a blast and living the college exsperiance but at the same time wa happened to me? i feel like im not even miss anymore or anything and its killing me a subject that im not ganna be able to let go.. i just hope everything goes back to normal soon cuz this shit sucks and is tearing me apart deep down..

On top of all this i wanna go home so bad i miss everyone but at the same time i feel as though if i was to go back home no one would be around to chill with and shit.. i mean no one answers their phones anymore no one would even know ide be back home and shit.. on top of that i dought anyone would even wanna chill everyone seems to cought up with themselves and what their doing that i feel like forgotten about and shit.. and it hurts so much cuz im thinkin ok fuck it ill just chill up here till im done with the program.. but at the same time its like ok that means in a matter of 3 months ill be back but then wtf will be going on? like will everyone be even more distant then now.. like who am i ganna chill with whats ganna happen im ganna be back everyones so off doing their own things that thell never have time for me? or will it be like thell all have their own friends and if i do get the opportunities to chill they wont like me or something.. i dunno im runnin round really scared right now.. i like to know whats going on and right now i have no idea whats happening in my life and the people around me and it sucks ass.. i just want it all to end and things to go back to normal.. and i just want my best friend back it makes me so sad.. i have no one to turn to if somethings wrong and it hurts so much.. i dunno ive lost my mind and just need to go right now.. im sure ill be updating again like always.. all in all i just want her to call and go back to normal :( so sad
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